Heroes Have Time

At one point in our lives, we witness or even suffer injustice and oppression. During those moments, we dream of becoming a superhero to avenge our pains against our oppressors. We wanted to shout for justice despite its impossibility. What we say usually inflicts hatred and fear; hatred towards those who oppress and abuse and fear of not gaining justice.
The worst thing maybe is to lose hope and lose faith. Despite your willingness to fight, your spirit may be dismayed by many aspects. Sometimes, you wanted to scream out your hate but your voice seems to be lost and never be heard. Sometimes, you may choose to be blind despite the clear view of the injustices and abuses that oppressors commit in front of your naked eyes. Sometimes, you want to stand, raise your arms with a weapon and fight with all your strength but your feet just could not move. At that point, your heart may be clouded with burning spirit to fight. But, you just can’t.
Being a superhero may have crossed your mind a thousand times. But, you just can’t be for they are just an imagination that never had been real. At that point of failed attempts, you may have lost hope and entrust totally your life into the hands of those who softly weaken you and taking everything what you have and what you deserve. Righteous, fairness, hope, equality, and justice may have been words that no longer exist for they mean nothing at all.
As for me, I have once suffered oppression but I survived. But, the hardest part is to be a witness of the injustices and abusive conducts of those in power. Their money has become their mightiest weapon that their wealth is not even enough for they continue to forcibly take what a poor man has. What is left to him is his dignity, yet they still taking it by force. They are merciless mugger. They speak of fairness, reasonable and justice yet they don’t know what these words mean.
I hear their cries and complaints. I see their patience and sacrifices. I can feel their pain. But, I am not a hero to save them. I am disturbed by their scream and hunted by their twinge but I am not powerful to pull them from their prison. I am not that strong to stand and fight. I only have the heart to empathize and lips to say a PRAYER.
I may have watch superheroes but I don’t believe of their existence. But, I believe that each of us is a hero in our own ways. Each has a heroic heart. Only that, we do not need to be geared up with valuable uniforms and weapons to be one.
In my dream, I heard them cry again. Despite my willingness to speak for them, my lips are zipped and my hands are tied. I feel weak and weary and their pain is making me numb. Behind my mind is a voice telling me that even superheroes have time. “This isn’t the right time. Everything will fall into its place. Justice will definitely shine against oppression. Like a plant when planted, it begins as a seed that needed to be cared for to grow up as a beautiful plant. Everything needs time and patience. Even superheroes train and sacrifice to be strong and intelligent for a strenuous battle. Patience molds wisdom and sacrifice develops strength. Listen, even heroes have their time…”

hUntEd And cOnfUsEd

Out of boredom and unavailability of internet connection, I was forced to play Chess Titans. Surprisingly, I won by checkmate against the computer. And, out of my happiness, I missed the guy who I usually play with. Yeah, he patiently taught me how to play chess despite my stubbornness and astuteness.
Behind my smile, was the memory of those times playing chess with him even until dawn. With my eagerness to win over him, I was even cunning and tricky but to no avail. He was really smart. His moves were intelligently planned and he was able to foresee my next moves. With his ability in chess, I learned to make my own strategies also. He inspired me to persevere in winning one game. By his attention and patient, it was more than once that I won over him.
While playing, memories we spent together kept on hunting me. I almost imagined that I am battling with him during my second game. Memories of the past kept on rewinding that made me bedazzled and insensible for a while. I remembered his smile, his voice, his promises and his plans for his life and for our future. I heard his sweet and comforting words and felt his sincere and passionate hug. I felt and saw him in his sincerest affection instantaneously. I remembered the happy moments we shared and struggle in life that we both battled with. His face flashed clearly. And, I instantly missed him.
I felt a twinged deep inside my heart that triggered tears in my eyes. How was I able to betray such a very kind and sincere person? What kind of person am I, who has turned down the guy who loved me with all his heart? Then, suddenly the feeling of guilt was changed with confusion and what ifs. What if I choose to stay? For sure, I won’t be crying for there is no reason to cry at all. What if we’re still together? Maybe, we have started realizing our dreams or maybe I’m back to school and he’s still behind supporting me. What if I didn’t hurt him? Maybe I can still fell the cold steel of being behind bars but at least I will be free from doubts and uncertainties with my relationship for I know that I am his only one.
For that very moment, I contemplated. However, I ended up confused. I am happy but full of uncertainties. I am sad for I have hurt someone but I found it as my only escape for it is what life is and it is a reality that I have to bear. I don’t want to hurt but don’t’ want to compromise my happiness. Now, I am still hunted by the mistakes I’ve done and happy moments I had before and confused by the decisions and steps I have made. After I’ve shed tears, I found myself wishing. I wish I could turn back the time and gave myself hundred times to think before I made the great move in my life. But such wish is beyond possible for things can’t be changed. Sadly, I am still confused by the uncertainties and by my indecisions and hunted by the happy memories of the past. At this very point in my life, I demand understanding rather than criticism and revenge.