i hate him...

We often hear the saying, “Action speaks louder than words”. When things are puzzling we usually tend to assess one’s actions and then make assumptions therefrom. Most of the time, our assumptions falls true. But sometimes, it hurts when our assumptions are filled with obscurity and even frustrating when the right answer is not found.
At this very moment, I hate the fact that I made assumptions out of actions that may or may not imply anything. At this very moment, I am still puzzled and imprisoned in a cell that I eventually realized I have created. Despite the clarity of words, I’m still confused by the actions that continue to hunt my curiosity…and maybe at this point, making me hopeful for something I am not certain of.
This very emotional moment was created by a mere “meets in the eye” moment. I had several experiences like this but this is totally different. During that one moment in my existence, my eyes took a look at one direction. It was not intentional. It was merely incidental. And then, there I saw him staring…that made my eyes locked into his eyes for a few seconds. During that few seconds, there was nothing in my mind. I just felt like I can’t keep my eyes blink nor distract the moment. When my neck has fully reached its maximum turn, my eyes were finally released. Few seconds more, I finally forgot what his eyes looked like…..It was nothing…it was just a coincidence…I thought I would soon forget.
The following days were different…his eyes were there again locking my eyes for few seconds. Those moments were even mixed with actions that I thought implies something. I let those days pass by with the hope that it was nothing…it was just a coincident.
Months passed by and I made my assumptions that those actions and those “meeting of eyes” implies something. I waited for more months hoping that my assumptions were true. But, as of now, I’m still waiting.
Through those actions, it was not only my mind that made assumptions. My heart did even assume. Uh, I think my heart has fallen for him…and I hate it.
I hate the fact that I see him every time I close my eyes. I hate the fact that I am yearning my eyes to be interlocked into his eyes again. I hate the fact that those moments can never happen again because I cannot look at him for unknown reason. I hate him for he is bothering my sleep and my concentration. I hate him for he is occupying my mind at this very moment. I hate him for making me dream of him. I hate him for I am what I am now. I hate him I hate him I hate him. I hate him for making me assume out of his actions. I hate him for making me hope for nothing. I hate him for making me emotional. I hate him for making me dream of him. I hate him for making me think of him. I hate him for making me a dreamer now. I hate him for all what he has done. I hate him.
If only actions have words, I could have not made the assumptions that there was meaning of everything. If only his actions have words, I could have prevented myself from falling for him. If only actions have words, those actions could have made the speaking …and I could have not made any assumptions at all. If only actions have words, maybe I’m not left confused and puzzled. And, if only his actions were not obscure I could have found the meaning of all of these. For everything he has done, I hate him.